Heterophobia Gaysplained

All Michael Sam and No Play Makes Liam a Dull Boy. Blah blah blah, Michael Sam, blah blah blah. Blah blah, blah blah blah blah, blah blah vibrator blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah Christianist douchebag, blah blah blah blah blah IB Times article written by Greg Price
on May 14 2014:

A Christian lobbyist has launched a boycott against the St. Louis Rams, openly gay defensive end Michael Sam, and credit card giant Visa.

In February, Jack Burkman, who head’s his Washington-based firm JM Burkman & Assoc., vowed to boycott any team or company that works with Sam and he has stayed true to his word. Burkman said the Rams and Sam are violating Christian beliefs, and that he's mobilized a grassroots campaign made up of a coalition of Christian leaders in 27 of the 50 U.S. states, according to The Independent.

“Visa and the Rams will learn that when you trample the Christian community and Christian values, there will be a terrible financial price to pay,” said Burkman.

“Openly gay football players send a terrible message to our youth about morality. Somebody needs to step up because the moral fiber of the nation is eroding.”

Please read the article if you aren't dying from ennui. 

Anyway...

First of all, wow, Jack Burkman has contacts in 27 of the 50 states... good for him... I hope his mom stops for ice cream after soccer practice...  78.5 percent of the nation is Christian. It is positively laughable that his coalition isn't in 48 of the 50. If all non-Christians lived in their own states, they would occupy 10 states. Even if that were the case, he should still be able to find contacts in the remaining 40.

Secondly, how and in what way is Michael Sam playing in the NFL trampling "the Christian community and Christian values." It's just so fucking stupid, res ipsa loquitur. Dear lord my head hurts simply trying to write this article. 

It is my experience that most of the gays that I know are looking forward to day when the act of existence is not viewed as a political statement. 

Blah Blah Blah

So I went to Photoshop and here's what Heterophobia would look like:

And how about this:

Or this:

Have you ever seen this?

What about from prominent gays:

Yeah, I haven't seen that either...

I realize that last one doesn't make a lick of sense, so I fixed it:

Wapow!

I was going to show actual photos that were the result of homophobia, but it was too much. So I posted a bunch of links that shows what homophobia actually looks like.

Warning: the following is far too graphic for this blog.

Mark Carson

Barie Shortell

Kerry Tyler Street (Actually Straight)

Dustin Martin

Ferrucio Silvestro

Wilfred de Bruijn

Sachsenhausen

And so many more, but I just can't go any further...


Liam '14

Damn You Michael Sam, Now I Have Type 2 Diabetes

Yesterday I was fairly upset by the NFL Draft. Just minutes before he went to the St. Louis Rams, I started pulling up statistics on Michael Sam, because I was convinced that he would go undrafted. I was getting ready to send a sharply worded letter to the NFL, ESPN, and Fox, letting them know that I would no longer be watching football, playing fantasy football, and that I would be contacting their sponsors after I would cancel my subscription to the Weekend Ticket. But voila at the second the Rams saved the day.

And then after I woke up today, I saw this video:

Uggh.. need insulin..too sweet.. too endearing... and no I'm not crying, I long ago established that I have no soul and am incapable of any real human emotions, so my eyes just be super dry.

Ok back to the statistics.

I complied a spreadsheet (the gay's best friend) of all the SEC Player-of-the-Year winners since the SEC started giving them out to defenders in 2003.

Year	Name	Position	Team	Round	Overall
2003	Eli Manning	QB	Ole Miss (Offense)	Round: 1	Pick: 1
2003	Chad Lavalais	DT	LSU (Defense)	Round: 5	Pick: 142
2004	Jason Campbell	QB	Auburn (Offense)	Round: 1	Pick: 25
2004	David Pollack	DE	Georgia (Defense)	Round: 1	Pick: 17
2004	Carnell Williams	RB	Auburn (Special Teams)	Round: 1	Pick: 5
2005	Jay Cutler	QB	Vanderbilt (Offense)	Round: 1	Pick: 11
2005	DeMeco Ryans	LB	Alabama (Defense)	Round: 2	Pick: 33
2005	Skyler Green	RS	LSU (Special Teams)	Round: 4	Pick: 125
2006	Darren McFadden	RB	Arkansas (Offense)	Round: 1	Pick: 4
2006	Patrick Willis	LB	Ole Miss (Defense)	Round: 1	Pick: 11
2006	John Vaughn	PK	Auburn (Special Teams)	Undrafted in 2007
2007	Glenn Dorsey	DT	LSU (Defense)	Round: 1	Pick: 5
2007	Felix Jones	RS	Arkansas (Special Teams)	Round: 1	Pick: 22
2008	Tim Tebow	QB	Florida (Offense)	Round: 1	Pick: 25
2008	Brandon James	RS	Florida (Special Teams)	Undrafted in 2010
2008	Eric Berry	DB	Tennessee (Defense)	Round: 1	Pick: 5
2009	Rolando McClain	LB	Alabama (Defense)	Round: 1	Pick: 8
2009	Javier Arenas	RS	Alabama (Special Teams)	Round: 2	Pick: 50
2010	Cam Newton	QB	Auburn (Offense)	Round: 1	Pick: 1
2010	Nick Fairley	DT	Auburn (Defense)	Round: 1	Pick: 13
2010	Patrick Peterson	RS	LSU (Special Teams)	Round: 1	Pick: 5
2011	Trent Richardson	RB	Alabama (Offense)	Round: 1	Pick: 3
2011	Morris Claiborne	CB	LSU (Defense)	Round: 1	Pick: 6
2011	Joe Adams	RS	Arkansas (Special Teams)	Round: 4	Pick: 104
2012	Johnny Manziel	QB	Texas A&M (Offense)	Round: 1	Pick: 22
2012	Jadeveon Clowney	DE	South Carolina (Defense)	Round: 1	Pick: 1
2012	Caleb Sturgis	PK	Florida (Special Teams)	Round: 5	Pick: 166
2012	Ace Sanders	RS	South Carolina (Special Teams)	Round: 4	Pick: 101
2012	Jarvis Jones	LB	Georgia (Defense)	Round: 1	Pick: 17
2013	Tre Mason	RB	Auburn (Offense)	Round: 3	Pick: 75
2013	C.J. Mosley	LB	Alabama (Defense)	Round: 1	Pick: 17
2013	Michael Sam	DE	Missouri (Defense)	Round: 7	Pick: 249
2013	Christion Jones		Alabama (Special Teams)	Junior in College

On this list, three players were undrafted: one was a Return Specialist; one was a Place Kicker; and one is still in college. 

Michael Sam is by far the lowest drafted excluding Special Teams. Out of the 30 people drafted, they had an average pick position of 42.3 and a standard deviation of 60.35 meaning any pick below 102.65 is low.

In fact besides Michael Sam, the only other defensive player on this list to have been picked below 112 is Chad Lavalais who was picked at 142. The three-sigma value is 223.05, and yet Michael Sam was drafted 26 spots lower.

So how and why did Michael Sam go from being a possible first or second round choice in January to being a seventh round pick?

He had what many consider to be a poor showing at the combine; he also might not fit in well in the tradition 4-3 scheme due to his height; or perhaps it's the fact that he came out.

There is no way of telling how he will do in the NFL. He might fizzle out like Tebow or become an average player with a long career in the NFL or perhaps even go all-pro. 

No matter what there are a lot of people out there wishing him and his partner the best. 

Congratulations Michael Sam.

'Liam 14

New rule: drink every time you hear that Michael Sam is "ramming" his gayness down someone's throat.