Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Lost History

I have been doing some research (Photoshopping) American history and have discovered some shocking photos lost to history. 


Sorry president Obama, Abraham Lincoln holds the title for being the first gay president. Gaybraham Lincoln, as he was known to the fellas at the bar, scored it with more than four men if you know what I mean. Notice how perfectly his tie, suit, and shirt are accented by his lapel pin.


Winston Churchill was known for his brash retorts and quick wits; however when he couldn't think of anything better to say, he would just tell people to "sod off." 


 Not only did he conquer Germany, but he also overcame polio.  Most people think that Oppenheimer was working on the A-Bomb, but really the Manhattan Project was a facility in Soho which manufactured the world's first Hoverounds.


People think that Mitt Romney was a Pro-war draft dodger.  But I discovered that he honorable served his country on a PT Boat. Being a secret government program, the fifteen foot tall M.I.T.T. was a genetically engineered humanoid designed to give stump-speeches to the Vietcong.   The program was decommission after it was discovered that Mitt's speeches caused scrotal cancer to our own troops.


In this portrait you should notice two things: first George Washington invented the pimp cane; second, he brought back the codpiece with limited success. It is a little known fact that the First President of the United States, George Washington, was a codpiece enthusiast.  He carried a mass collection of famous codpieces from histories biggest names. His most prized codpiece was King Henry VIII's coronation piece, which Washington wore frequently for good luck and without perhaps America would not exist today. So thanks a lot Henry, thanks a lot.


Here's a strange photo from the Nixon Library.  Nixon always wanted to meet his hero Elvis Costello. Elvis Costello agreed on the condition that he could call Nixon "Tricky Dick." The audio tapes would exist; however according to Costello, Nixon erased the footage after a series of antisemitic rants that even Nixon regretted saying.  Notice, Costello is dressed in his famous "fat Elvis" era suit.

Liam '12

Freedom Just For Me

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