The Bees and The Bees

Recently a real world friend of mine and I were talking (yes I have one of those.)  We were at that point of our friendship where she starting to see me as actually gay instead of a-- to paraphrase QAF--- a ball-less, sexless, gay eunuch.

During our conversation, she brought up that she has never tried anal. We ended up not going into it, but later I realized that she might have been asking for advice.

It also brought up memories that of how anti-gay my state-school-provided sex ed really was. (There was no mention of homosexuality, and my teacher referred to anal sex as being demeaning towards women.)

The following is designated to be a virgin's guide to anal sex. Essentially I came up with this as the cheat sheets that I wish I had a few years ago. Hopefully you can find it useful whether you're gay or straight.

But if I ever have to give my sage like guidance and boil it down into one sentence, it would be:


Masturbate with a dildo before trying anal sex; also think about getting poppers if you find it difficult to relax.


The Forewords:

1. I have a prostate; women tend not to have those. From my personal experience, anal sex is enjoyable because of my prostate. If you don't have a prostate, I don't know if you will enjoy it. All I can offer is years of learning and experience. Please keep an open mind.

2. If you don't want to do anal, you won't enjoy it. There is no "fake it 'til you make it": only pain. Related to that point, if you don't feel well on a particular day, don't do it. It might be painful, or you just might shit on a dude.

3. If you want to try it, you will need to prepare: not just for the first time, but every time.

4. I don't have a vagina, but I know that it's not vaginal sex. Respect the anus for what it's worth. That means don't just start shoving shit up there. Make sure your partner understands that anal sex is a shared gift (I don't know if there is a word to describe what I mean), but it is not an entitlement. Your partner does not deserve sex; they do not need sex; they are allowed to have sex with you. They need to be gentle, understanding, a good listener, and appreciative of your needs.

Basic Sex Ed

Hygiene:

1.  Poop. Yes, scat comes out of the anus. To really enjoy anal sex, you'll need to poop before you do it. I usually need 15 minutes to "reset" afterwards.

2. Wipe down. I use wet wipes to get extra clean. Some people warn to avoid wipes with alcohol or fragrance but I've never had a problem.

3. Douche. Or not. I'm not a doctor; I don't know if this is bad for your body. I have done this; it helps me feel like I'm not going to poop on my partner. If you douche, you need to give your body a chance to rebuild the mucus lining on your colon. It's recommended that you wait 2 hours afterwards to have sex.

4. Take a shower.  Do I need to explain this one. It will also help relax you. Brush your teeth, put on deodorant, and wear fresh undies (in my experience, this ones more for the guys.)

5. Keep tissues by the bedside.

6. Choose a hand for lubricating your anus and toys, and a hand specifically for your genitals.


Protection:

1. Condoms every time!

2. Even if you are monogamous, you still can get a number of infections; so, always wear a condom. Allergic to latex: latex free condoms. You don't like how they smell: orange scented condoms. Your partner doesn't like how it feels on their cock: internal condoms. You like a little pizazz in your display: colored condoms.

3. Condoms every time! (Change condoms if you decide to change orifice.)


Lubrication:

1. Lubrication is as necessary of a component for safer sex as is a condom. Condoms fail without condom safe lubrication. Silicone is my preference as it doesn't get absorbed by the skin. If I am masturbating, I use a water-based lubricant because I use a silicone toy. You will need to stop at some point and reapply lube because it will be absorbed by the rectum. NEVER USE AN OIL BASED LUBE! It will destroy the condom; it can also lead to an infection on its own.

2. Have you ever had a sunburn on the inside of your rectum? That's what anal sex feels like without enough lubrication. So to recap; lube is necessary for enjoyment and safety.

3. Do you have enough lubrication? The answer is, if you're asking that question, you do not have enough lube.

4. Treat yourself! The better the lube; the better the experience. Find a brand you love and always keep it with you. (I have a bug-out bag for one night stands complete with my favorite lube, condoms, and toothbrush.)

What Your High School Instructor Didn't Teach You:

Masturbation:

1. Before even trying anal sex, masturbate by yourself. You need to learn the mechanics of anal sex before you should even consider letting someone into your body. Masturbation also allows you to find out what is and what isn't enjoyable.

2. Get as turned on as you possibly can. For me, I turn on sexy music, I light candles, I turn on porn, and I sniff poppers. (For straight reads, poppers are nitrite compounds that are inhaled. Do not drink them. Do not use them with alcohol or Viagra. Open the cap and sniff the vapors. Don't get the solution on your skin as it burns. If you're going to do them, try them before hand to understand how it will affect your body. It instantly relaxes my anus, and honestly makes me lose my mind while having sex.) Oh yes, also relax.

3. Start small and simple, and move on from there. If a particular toy comes in three sizes go with the small one. I prefer a dildo that I can ride while stimulating my other genitals; some people prefer a plug that stays in place while they stimulate their genitals. I would also suggest starting with a toy that lacks texture or ridges while learning your body.

4. Use a non-porous silicone toy. It's easy to clean. With a larger toy, I finger myself first, before moving to the larger toy.


Entrance:

1. Relax.

2. Push out. One method is to clench your anus for 15 seconds, until you can't hold it any longer and then push out. (This is where learning your body with a toy helps.)

3. Breathe out.

4. Take control. Especially if it is your first time, control the pace of entry, either controlling your partner with your hand or pushing yourself back into their cock. If there is minor pain, readjust your position. Sometimes it helps to pull out and try it again. If pain continues, stop.

Once again this is why masturbating first helps. If there is pain, you either need more lube, more foreplay, or you need to just flat out stop.


Position:

1. There is no right answer, but the right position for you will make a world of difference.

2. I prefer being on top as it gives me greater control of pacing and timing. I am more likely to orgasm when it is appropriate when I'm on top.

3. If you are comfortable enough to continue having sex, explore and find your position.


TL; DR- Masturbate with a dildo before trying anal sex; also think about getting poppers if you find it difficult to relax.


Additional Reading:

1. Dangerouslilly.com on silicone toys.

2. Vice.com on poppers.

3. Goaskalice.columbia.edu on lube.


Liam '16

A Tale of the Map

This is a post that I will probably repost about once a month from now until the subject matter is solved. America is a Federalist Society.  We have a large powerful Federal Government balance by individual state governments.  When working properly, Federalism has one massive advantage over other political systems: a system of trial and error.  States often share similar problems and common questions of governance. The strength of federalism comes when states with similar problems come up with different solutions.  After time passes, the nation as a whole can see how the two varying solutions have worked to solve the particular problem.

That's how federalism should work, anyway.  I have a feeling that it does not often happen. Stubbornness, pride, regionalism, and ignorance can prevent states from enacting proven measures. Furthermore, a practical solution to a perceived problem may interfere with a special interest. Vast amounts of wealth can be spent to change people's beliefs.

A few months ago, when the Republicans were in primary mode, a mini-controversy erupted around the issue of contraceptives. Primarily that they need to change the composition of the Supreme Court so that Griswold v. Connecticut, 381 U.S. 479 (1965) can be overturned. (Nothing says freedom quite like having your right to privacy utterly stripped away.) I was shock to hear this in the modern era, since I knew that Texas has both a high Teen Pregnancy rate and a poor sex education program.  It was even more disturbing to hear contraceptives being discussed, in general and not only for teens, because I'm an adult and I will place a piece of latex on my penis and have sex with whomever I want. It is insane to think otherwise, especially by people who claim to champion freedom.

While the Federal Government has a role in Sex Education, primarily through Federal funds distributed to states, the majority of the policies come from the state and local levels.A state can choose to implement comprehensive, abstinence only sex education, or leave it up to local school districts (Texas.)

The following is a series of maps, the majority created by the CDC, which shows  general trends in America based on Health, Education, and Socio-Economics.

The first set of four maps show the basic sexual health of the nation, at a state or county level.

Teen Pregnancy Rates:

Syphilis Rates:

Gonorrhea Map:

Speaking of Sex Education, here is what I think should be shown. It would defiantly help lower teen pregnancy, raise tolerance and awareness. And evangelical christian types really show love my method as it is a perverted version of abstinence only.

I'm joking of course. Obviously nobody should be pressured into being gay, just as nobody should be pressured into being straight.  Attraction is attraction: if you're gay you're gay, if you're bi you're bi, if you're straight then you won't have any fun you're straight. Oh yes, also always wear a condom, always! There is no acceptable reason to not wear one during recreational sex. And if you are having sloppy gay sex, use a non-oil based lube. I digress.

Moving on to something, much, much more serious, here is a map of America based on Heart Disease.
Heart Disease Map:

For shame America, for shame. How can Wisconsin, the land of beer and cheese, be one of the healthier states when it comes to heart disease.. For shame.

Here is what the up coming generation will look like.

High School Obesity:

Compared to heart disease and adult obesity, the government can play a much greater role, in a much simpler fashion in High Schools. From extended PhysEd to low calorie lunch options, home economics, and health courses, states can lower the obesity rate among teens.  Furthermore we can use federalism to find the best solution.

High School Graduation Rates:

Bachelors Degrees:

Prison Population:

Violent Crime Rate:

I was planning to show a Hate Crimes map; however, since it is up to the individual states to define what a hate crime is and to report them to the FBI, I decided to forgo a map. According to the FBI's data center in 2010, Mississippi had one agency  reporting hate crimes while Iowa had fourteen.  Mississippi claimed to have only 11 hate crimes (they claimed only 1 in 2009) while Iowa claimed 14 cases.  

I really have my doubts about the accuracy, since as I said before states define and report hate crimes. Mississippi and Alabama have a long history of hate crimes and a failure to prosecute them.  I question the accuracy for another anecdotal reason; I haven't ever heard of a movie called Iowa Burning. 

SPLC also claims  that there are currently 41 known active hate groups in Mississippi, while there are only 4 in Iowa. But unfortunately this methodology could easily be flawed, since Wyoming, the birth place of hate crime laws has only 2 reported hate groups.

And to be truthful I really am disappointed with the honesty of the numbers, because I wanted to use those statistics to take an honest look at hate crime policies in the US.  I am not fully convinced that the progressive is necessarily the best practical way to solve hate crimes.

For as much as I joke, name call, and argue there is one thing I will not belittle. Perhaps the most telling of all is this one map.

Poverty in America:

 

If there were an omniscient, omnipotent, and all loving god, I cannot think of any greater issue, any greater image that would disturb this god than the poverty map.

 

Maps 1-6, 11 come from the CDC; 7,8 come from the Census; 9,10 come from Wikipedia.

This country and our individual states can only improve when the American people educate themselves. Ask questions of politicians, ask question of journalist, just ask questions. People lie, statistics can be manipulate, and I could be entirely wrong on my assertions, but given what I have I believe we can find a solution to our greatest problems and move forward.

Liam '12

Freedom Just For Me

The Birds & the Birds and the Bees & the Bees

I think it is time to have the talk. Yep this talk is about doing the nasty, which I want to remind the straight community is only a portion of what it means to be fantastic. But now and again, gay people do happen to have sex. Shocking, I know. I found the following video on Joe. My. God.




As a quick aside I want to comment on the behavior of the sign smasher. I cannot condone what this man did, even though I understand the sheer anger and frustration that he must have been experiencing. Hate only begets hate. Violence only begets violence. The Gay Community has its freedom of speech, as well as the drool-monkeys. The Community doesn't want to be silenced, so don't silence others, even if they are liars and bigots.

Showing hatred only detracts from the truth that Gay Rights is about love and tolerance. Yes, this man was simply acting as a human and defending himself and his community, yet the community has the arduous task of being more than human.

The portion of the video that really bothers me, though, is the asinine notion that gay people practice "gerbil stuffing." Nobody actually has done that. It is an urban legend. If you are dumb enough to believe that one, please, please, for your own safety, buy a skateboard helmet. And then wear it all the time. Don't take it off in the shower or for bed. You may not be smart enough to quite grasp the whole walking thing yet, and I really don't want to see you get hurt if you fall down. If this were true, the people who were doing it would be arrested for bestiality.

Really though I want to know why it's only gays who are on the hook for being sexual deviants in this country. Why don't those up-tight drool-monkeys go and protest straight porn shops (not that I think they should.) Anyway many things that gay people enjoy straight people also happen to enjoy.

Anal Sex.  It's not just for gay people.  Secondly, not all gay people have it.  I don't mean that some people are tops, and that some people are bottoms; I mean that some couples only ever have oral sex.

On a more frightening note, fisting is real. I'm not condemning it, nor am I endorsing it. If you do not know what fisting is, I would say you're probably lucky. If you do not want to know what it is, I would say just skip down to the next paragraph, but that too is graphic. Fisting is when a person uses a lot of lube and insert the full hand after normal foreplay. Some people actually do this and here are names of famous fisters:

Alana
Alisha Klass
Ariana 

Ashley Long.

Audrey Hollander

Autumn
Autumn Hayes

Belladonna 

Bridgette Kerkove
Carli Banks
Charlene Aspen
Chloe
Daniella Rush
Felecia
Isabella
Jasmine Lynn
Juliana Sterling
Julie Silver
Katja Kassin
Keisha Kylie Ireland
Kim Holland
Meridian
Phyllisha Anne

Taylor Moore
Taylor St. Clair
Trinity Max

Venus

I could go on, but I got bored with all the porn. Notice that this list is compiled of people who are all women (if not silicone). My point is that straight people also fist. Big shock. Straight people are just as horny, just as deviant, and just as curious as gay people. Even sexually gay people are just people, the main difference is they are attracted to persons of the same sex.

Here are a few other things that heterosexuals do that are kind of silly.
 
Crush Fetish. Eroticism due to objects being crushed. If your mate is attracted to having their genitals being abused just be careful.

Pissing. You know it's true love if she let's you urinate on her.  But if she asks to be urinated on...yeah.

Pegging. I think Dan Savage came up with the term. but it definitely is a straight thing. Why would gay men need a strap-on? Well I guess if a Crush Fetish went horribly wrong...

BDSM. Ever read Venus in Furs? Kafka did. Some people like to be tied down. Some people love to get dressed up in shiny suits of leather. Others love a good ol' spanking.

Whatever people do in their home is their prerogative, with limited exception.  As long as the participating parties are consenting adults and they get off by those activities, everything is gravy. 

And for the bigots and the hate-monkeys out there who hide behind their religion, a Christian God doesn't care what people shove up their asses; a Christian God is concerned for the poor, the starving and the homeless. Two years after a massive earthquake, 400,000 people are still displaced. or why not use that Saturday where they looked like a bunch of jackass to go down to the Salvation Army. 21% of children in America live in poverty, and many local Salvation Army offices have programs which provide backpacks filled with food to qualifying children. In fact anyone reading this, gay or straight should sacrifice some of their time to this awesome program. It would make a good post pride activity in fact. I think that would make Jesus happy.

Liam '12

Freedom Just For Me